I’m going to come right out and say it. I don’t like the word selfish. I was catching up with a friend the other day and I mentioned that I was taking some me time, to which they replied, “It’s good to be selfish now and again.” My wish for humanity, especially in the light of the past two years, is to evolve beyond the judgement of people who identify and address their own needs, go for what they want, cancel appointments for good reason or take some ‘me time’. Since the pandemic I have definitely seen some green shoots of hope. I’m grateful to see how much more kindness and compassion have started to take their place in society, and even in the workplace, but I still feel we have a long way to go. If we want to continue to be a global community of humans who thrive rather than simply survive, and help those who are stuck in survival mode, we have have HAVE to start with ourselves.
People Pleasing vs Self-Service
I spent the most part of my earlier life putting others first, and it felt great knowing that people felt they could rely on me to always be there to help. But when I grew more comfortable in my own skin and was more honest with myself, I discovered that this behaviour was not serving the most important person in my life – me! It was only after I had a couple of wake up calls that I realised I was being a people pleaser. I am incredibly grateful to have been surrounded by amazing people, who, while they may have noticed a change over the years, accepted me and my journey, and love me unconditionally.
As with most things in life, balance is key when it comes to service. It is beautifully noble and admirable to want to put others first, (for many parents, guardians or carers, of course, it is a daily necessity due to the vulnerability of dependents). But at what cost, in the long term? We are not meant to live life as martyrs, sacrificing all for the needs of others. I believe that every time we make an unnecessary sacrifice*, a part of the soul shrivels up. We are certainly here to help each other, I feel it in my bones (it’s the warm feeling I get when I see or experience people working together for the good of each other or even a higher good), but as they say, charity begins at home, or as Rabbi Hillel put it, “If I am not for myself who will be for me?”.
Honouring Your Path
Your uniqueness is vital to the beauty and wonder of this world. Look at the probability of you actually making it past the sperm-egg roulette – 120 trillion to 1 according to the wonderfully creative George Hardwick, in his book Creative Uprising. I invite you to honour your unique journey by listening to your heart and taking care of your needs as much as possible. Balancing this with serving others takes practice, but we’ll get there if we pay attention and take kind action.
It’s about time we stopped apologising for looking after ourselves. After all, if the airline crew members tell us to, then clearly it’s essential!
What do I mean? During every inflight safety demonstration, what do they tell you about helping others with their oxygen masks?
You first.
Always you first.
What a great metaphor for life. If you’re being told that if you do not help yourself first, you could DIE, then maybe there’s something in that!
I invite you to take a kindful step on your journey to putting your OWN Oxygen mask on first. Not just because it’s Mental Health Awareness Week, but because YOU MATTER. And if you’re at a loss as to where to start, check out my ‘Self Care Check In’ technique – it got me through Covid and has become an essential part of my Wellbeing Toolkit ever since.
With this in mind, my Gratitude in this moment is directed at my ability to learn past what other people think, and to be bolder about taking ‘me time’.
Serving Others From a Full Cup
With time and practice I have learned that I cannot serve others properly if my own cup is empty, so I’ve been learning how to fill it with good energy every day. It does mean making some tough decisions sometimes – saying yes to myself can mean saying no to someone else. Maybe it means choosing Yoga over helping someone because that is the only time Yoga is on in my free time, and I will be better equipped to face the rest of my day. Maybe it means taking an extra break at work, because I know I won’t take lunch until 3 O’Clock and that I’ll be far more productive after some fresh air – I truly believe that if Smoke Breaks can be a thing, then so can Wellbeing Breaks! Maybe it means speaking up about a heavy workload or stressful situation. Either way, when I replenish and nourish myself, I find that sharing my energy with others is way more enjoyable and whole-hearted, because I’m not running on empty – there’s enough for everyone if we take good care of ourselves!
If you’d like to learn how to fill your cup with good energy, or if you’re interested in my upcoming workshops, ‘Compassion 360 – Care from a Place of Self-Care’, please email me.
With Gratitude
Sarit
*Let’s get a frame of reference here for clarity – unnecessary, in my book, and in this context only, means where you are sacrificing your needs in a situation because you are anxious that others will judge you as selfish, but in fact there are other solutions that will serve all.